tilted behaviour

I played a terrible session on PKR tonight where I just wasn’t at the top of my game.

After registering a profitable session at lunchtime, I logged back on at night and was quickly chasing back loses. I managed to grind back into profit before swirling back down in the negative before managing to get lucky and register a small loss for the session. Consequently I decided to upload some hands to show you exactly how far off I was from playing my A-Game yesterday.

jawad93110 had been playing awfully loose and was bluffing in any spot he could. He would raise preflop, continuation bet the flop and then check-raise the turn and show Jack-high. In this hand I felt that I could win a big pot off him if I flopped well – regardless the fact I was playing a sub-premium hand and was out of position – since he was a near lock to bluff off his stack if I trapped him well enough.

Game#1250347686
Blinds are $0.50 – $1.00
tRaMSt0p ($99)
2002KRU ($71.05)
CB750 ($133)
jawad93110 ($180)
kiwi16 ($227)
iguiguana ($38.50)
Tomion ($40)
ChipsBC ($53.77)

tRaMSt0p posts (SB) $0.50
2002KRU posts (BB) $1

Dealt to tRaMSt0p J♠ 10♠
CB750 folds
jawad93110 raises to $4
kiwi16 folds
iguiguana calls $4
Tomion calls $4
ChipsBC folds
tRaMSt0p calls $3.50
2002KRU folds
FLOP ($17) 3♦ J♣ 2♠
tRaMSt0p checks
jawad93110 bets $4
iguiguana calls $4
Tomion folds
tRaMSt0p calls $4
TURN ($29) 3♦ J♣ 2♠ K♦
tRaMSt0p checks
jawad93110 bets $8
iguiguana folds
tRaMSt0p calls $8
RIVER ($45) 3♦ J♣ 2♠ K♦ 5♦
tRaMSt0p checks
jawad93110 bets $20
tRaMSt0p folds
jawad93110 shows 4♠ 5♣
jawad93110 wins $42.75

With the line I took I think I should always be calling the river because he is barrelling it with all his range. Instead I wussed out and gave the pot to him on a well-served platter.

Finally I was ecstatic to look down at a premium hand where I could potentially find a double up hopefully against jawad93110.

Game#1250349435
Blinds are $0.50 – $1.00
CB750 ($129)
jawad93110 ($199)
iguiguana ($41.40)
Tomion ($25.50)
ChipsBC ($53.77)
tRaMSt0p ($111)
2002KRU ($69.55)
HURICANNE67 ($38.50)

CB750 posts (SB) $0.50
jawad93110 posts (BB) $1

Dealt to tRaMSt0p Q♥ Q♦
iguiguana folds
Tomion calls $1
ChipsBC folds
tRaMSt0p raises to $4
2002KRU folds
HURICANNE67 folds
CB750 folds
jawad93110 calls $3
Tomion calls $3
FLOP ($12.50) 9♣ Q♣ 3♠
jawad93110 bets $3
Tomion folds
tRaMSt0p raises to $13
jawad93110 calls $10
TURN ($38.50) 9♣ Q♣ 3♠ K♦
jawad93110 checks
tRaMSt0p checks
RIVER ($38.50) 9♣ Q♣ 3♠ K♦ J♥
jawad93110 checks
tRaMSt0p checks
jawad93110 shows 10♠ 8♠
jawad93110 wins $36.60

When he donk-called the flop I expected him to be holding a drawing-type hand, and when the turn landed a King to fill the most likely outcome of Jack-Ten it put me in shutdown mode. I could still fire out after jawad93100 checked but if he does have Jack-Ten he is most likely going to jam and push me off my hand, and if I do fill up on the river he will nearly always pay me off.

Unfortunately the river put a one-card straight out there, and even though his river check portrayed weakness I felt that a bet wouldn’t do much good. By checking I got to see what he had to give me some quality information for the session and my notes, but also I think he would barely ever call with a hand that wasn’t a straight. The one thing he was capable of (from what I had already seen) was that he could pull the trigger with a check-raise holding complete air and consequently push me off my set of Queens; and since I did have a fair amount of showdown value it just seemed like the right option to check behind.

With jawad93110 absolutely owning my soul in pot after pot I decided that I was going to break my standard full-ring strategy and just try and target him for some chips.

Game#1250359111
Blinds are $0.50 – $1.00
HURICANNE67 ($36)
CB750 ($114)
jawad93110 ($309)
NEWWAVE69 ($227)
gladheateher ($147)
Frankenpower ($91.35)
davybaby83 ($100)
BritneyLover ($99)
tRaMSt0p ($99.50)
2002KRU ($59.05)

HURICANNE67 posts (SB) $0.50
CB750 posts (BB) $1
davybaby83 posts (BB) $1

Dealt to tRaMSt0p 7♥ 8♥
jawad93110 raises to $4
NEWWAVE69 folds
gladheateher folds
Frankenpower calls $4
davybaby83 folds
BritneyLover folds
tRaMSt0p calls $4
2002KRU folds
HURICANNE67 folds
CB750 folds
FLOP ($14.50) J♠ 4♣ 9♦
jawad93110 bets $4
Frankenpower folds
tRaMSt0p calls $4
TURN ($22.50) J♠ 4♣ 9♦ 9♣
jawad93110 bets $4
tRaMSt0p calls $4
RIVER ($30.50) J♠ 4♣ 9♦ 9♣ 8♠
jawad93110 bets $30.50
tRaMSt0p calls $30.50
jawad93110 shows K♥ Q♠
tRaMSt0p shows 7♥ 8♥
tRaMSt0p wins $88.50

Although I thought my gutshot was live if I hit it, I was extremely grateful to the poker Gods that a ten didn’t fall.

I think the river call is pretty standard against this type of spewy player since I best most of his range. It’s just the way I played the previous streets that are a bit more of a worry.

Although this isn’t a standard open for me in full-ring play, I was just trying to get out of the red and back into a positive session.

Game#1250429696
Blinds are $0.10 – $0.25
NICKDRAKEISGOD ($81.10)
NothingZ ($16.12)
perpalaqui ($34.73)
lori1860 ($30.56)
djc8008 ($39.53)
Poeth ($15.65)
tRaMSt0p ($36.38)
Close2Insanity ($40.83)
Mahoni007 ($13.65)
KeaneR ($12.36)

NICKDRAKEISGOD posts (SB) $0.10
NothingZ posts (BB) $0.25

Dealt to tRaMSt0p 7♣ 5♣
perpalaqui folds
lori1860 folds
djc8008 folds
Poeth folds
tRaMSt0p raises to $0.75
Close2Insanity calls $0.75
Mahoni007 folds
KeaneR folds
NICKDRAKEISGOD calls $0.65
NothingZ folds
FLOP ($2.50) 7♠ Q♦ 5♥
NICKDRAKEISGOD checks
tRaMSt0p bets $2.50
Close2Insanity folds
NICKDRAKEISGOD raises to $7
tRaMSt0p raises to $35.63 (AI)
NICKDRAKEISGOD calls $28.63
TURN ($73.76) 7♠ Q♦ 5♥ K♥
RIVER ($73.76) 7♠ Q♦ 5♥ K♥ 8♣
NICKDRAKEISGOD shows K♠ Q♠
tRaMSt0p shows 7♣ 5♣
NICKDRAKEISGOD wins $70.76

I suppose NICKDRAKEISGOD’s call isn’t that bad, but there are a huge bunch of hands that beat him, and (although it doesn’t show in the hand history) he snap-called my shove and then of course dinked the turn. If I flat the flop I suppose I could get away from the hand on maybe the river, but courtesy of the tilt-inducing session I decided just to insta-ship!

By this time my favourite player jawad93110 had left the table after bluffing some more chips into his stack and consequently play was back to normal.

Game#1250439199
Blinds are $0.50 – $1.00
Rosk79 ($108)
tRaMSt0p ($116)
asharne ($53.07)
SneakyT ($126)
Methodical ($83.55)
Oktavyan74 ($53.50)
Vampir1962 ($46.50)
vwtdi ($137)
VictorVL ($18.50)

Rosk79 posts (SB) $0.50
tRaMSt0p posts (BB) $1

Dealt to tRaMSt0p K♣ K♠
asharne calls $1
SneakyT folds
Methodical calls $1
Oktavyan74 folds
Vampir1962 folds
vwtdi folds
VictorVL folds
Rosk79 folds
tRaMSt0p raises to $4
asharne calls $3
Methodical calls $3
FLOP ($12.50) J♦ Q♦ 4♠
tRaMSt0p bets $7.50
asharne folds
Methodical calls $7.50
TURN ($27.50) J♦ Q♦ 4♠ 5♣
tRaMSt0p bets $17.85
Methodical raises to $53.55
tRaMSt0p raises to $105 (AI)
Methodical calls $18.50 (AI)
RIVER ($171) J♦ Q♦ 4♠ 5♣ K♥
tRaMSt0p shows K♣ K♠
Methodical shows Q♣ J♠
tRaMSt0p wins $168

My turn bet was meant to set up a shove from Methodical or leave me with a pot-sized bet on the river to put him all in. As you can see however Methodical did shove like I hoped, but unluckily for me he was an 82% favourite when the money in as he had flopped Queens-up. Thankfully I managed to spike a King on the river to collect the pot while remarking in the chat box that Methodical played the hand very well and was unlucky (which followed a previous hand where he was two-outed by pocket eights against his Aces after 200bb went in preflop).

Although I only lost a little bit in this session and still finished up for the day, I was well off from my A-Game.

Since I’m slowly trying to tick off some online poker goals (one down and many to go), playing like this is definitely not going to help in achieving them. Hopefully I can fix my some of these leaks and return to playing as well as I can.

It had been well over three months, but I was finally on my way back to Melbourne for a home game to catch up with a bunch of my poker buddies.

I began Saturday with a trip into town to watch a few hours of my cricket club’s Grand Final (which we eventually lost) before making my way up the highway to Crown. I said hello to some friends I hadn’t seen in ages before making heading to Mat’s house to help set up the home game.

Mat has a bungalow out the back of his house, and now that it has been cleared out, we set up a table in there in preparation for the night.

We had a full table of nine players as we sat down around 8:30pm to play some 25c-50c NLH. I chipped up to around $90 in the first hour before hitting a very cold run of cards for the next several hours. I was pushed out of a few pots to slip back to around $65 before opening with a raise to $1.50 from under the gun with 8♥ 5♥. It was called round to Oatsy on the button who made it $6.50 to go with about $70 behind him. I called, as did three others, to see a flop of A♥ J♠ 8♣ fall and action check round to Oatsy who continued with a very small bet of $7.50. Now I had to decipher what exactly he had.

I had bluffed him on a few occasions and knew that he was capable of folding a hand to me as he is more than solid when it comes to cash games. Also he had been stealing a few pots to accumulate some chips after losing a buy-in early. In this spot there is a good chance that he flopped huge like Aces, Jacks or Ace-Jack or flopped well with Ace-King or Ace-Queen. However I believed his range was more skewed to weaker and more marginal holdings like weak Aces or underpairs and decided that I could successfully win the pot by running an educated bluff.

Now he was never going to fold one of those huge hands, so my bluff would have to see him fold out the top of his perceived slightly weaker range; basically Ace-Ten and worse. One of the players in the hand – Alex – was throwing a huge stare-down at Oatsy like he wanted to get funky with some sort of Ace or Jack so that made me consider a bluff even more.

Taking stack sizes into consideration, I took my time before check-raising to $22 so that if he called it would take the pot to $77.25 and both of us having just on $50 behind (to be honest I really wish I had more so that my turn ship looked more powerful . . . but oh well). Alex took his time before folding before Oatsy spent a minute summing up the situation before calling.

Knowing that he either had it or not, I was looking for a blank on the turn that didn’t improve his middle-tier range so that my shove would force a fold. Now of course if he called I was probably drawing dead!

The turn landed the 2♠ and I moved all in only to be quickly called by Oatsy. I tossed my cards into the muck and announced, “your set is good mate” before he rolled over Jacks. We didn’t even deal a river and I was forced to rebuy another $50 as everyone on the table just looked shocked at what had just gone down.

Money pretty much passed round in circles all night, and I eventually finished even after rivering two-pair with Ace-Ten against Ace-Queen as we called it a night at around 4:30am.

After crashing at Alex’s for the night, I was up earlier then I wished as I was on my way to catch up with a friend at Chadstone for lunch and a movie.

Bec wanted to grab some Yum Cha which I was happy to oblige with although I found it oddly strange not to be eating Yum Cha in Chinatown where I’m use to. Afterwards we decided to summon our inner-child and decided to watch the newly released How To Train Your Dragon in 3D.

Toothless and Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

Getting use to the 3D glasses took longer than I expected but they definitely worked in some parts of the movie, otherwise it was probably no different to watching it in the normal 2D format. All-in-all I definitely recommend seeing it as it does have an interesting storyline and was pretty funny even if you aren’t a child.

Bec made her way home to prepare for her new job starting tomorrow while I made my way to Crown to play in Event 8: $200 No Limit Holdem / Pot Limit Omaha Teams Event with Alex.

He sat down first to play the NLH orbit while I was due to play the PLO one. We got off to a slow start with not much action from either game before I chipped up on the last hand of my orbit when I raised from the button over a few limpers holding 8♣ 7♣ 7♠ 5♥ and took the pot down with a continuation bet on the 10♠ 3♠ 3♣ board.

During my next PLO orbit I was dealt Aces twice and picked up the blinds with an under the gun raise and then limped in from the cutoff before taking it down on the flop. However – just like the previous orbit – I won a substantial pot on the final hand of the level when after a limp I raised holding Q♥ J♣ J♠ 9♠. The big blind called as did the limper before a flop of 10♣ 7♣ 2♠ fell. The limper fired out for pot and I felt like he had complete air and decided to make the call as the big blind passed. We both checked the 6♠ on the turn before I was faced with another pot-sized bet when the river landed the Q♦. I tanked for about a minute before making the call to be shown a pair of sixes and three cards forming the rest of his air.

Unfortunately for us things would fall apart in the next PLO orbit when the most aggressive player on the table flopped top set of sevens on me and I was forced to fold to his check-raise. A few hands later I called one of his light raises from the button with A♠ K♠ 6h 5♥. Dean Francis – a solid PLO regular player – also called from the big blind and fired out pot on a fairly dry board with an overpair and flush draw as I folded and Alex subbed in.

We wouldn’t last too many more hands when after facing a limp for 1,200 from the hi-jack, Alex jammed for over 7,000 from the cutoff holding Q♦ 9♦. His opponent took his time before calling, only to table a dominating A♣ 9♥. We turned a gutshot but blanked as we hit the rail in about 40th place from the original 118 starters.

Although it wasn’t a greatly successful poker trip up to Melbourne, it was great to catch up with everyone and am looking forward to getting back there next weekend.

Early this year I asked for your help in deciding if I should keep a Nintendo Wii that my Dad had received for free or sell it and get some BVLGARI sunglasses or a new PlayStation 3.

Well two and a half months later I made my mind up.

While wondering round in town at Bay City Plaza (yes Geelong does have a shopping centre) I saw that EB Games had a promotion where you could trade in any Wii console and receive a new PlayStation 3 and FIFA 2010 for just $299. With no hits on EBAY for the Wii and the fact that you can pretty much get one for $300 I decided that it was worth it since a new PlayStation 3 was still around the $500 mark.

Then before I left I decided to buy some new sunglasses. I know we’re approaching winter, but there is a chance I could be heading to Thailand for a month or two and hopefully Las Vegas for my fourth WSOP, so they’ll definitely come in handy.

The funniest thing that related to theses purchases happened on Facebook after I updated my status.

Tim Duckworth after making a whopping $12.11 online this morning, I decided to splurge and bought new sunglasses and a PS3 . . . oh the life of a low-limit balla!!!

Comment from Kerry Stead: Definitely -EV purchases. Now you will be distracted by the PS3 & feel obligated to leave the house to wear the sunglasses. Crushing Thursday mornings now means only +$8!

2010 WSOP satellites are up and running with PKR the latest online site to jump aboard the satellite ship with their Road to Vegas League!

The Online Poker Operator of 2009 has served to their loyal player base an opportunity to win one of seven WSOP Experience prize packages. Each package is worth $4,000 and includes a buy-in to a WSOP bracelet event, travel and spending money, an invitation to a PKR exclusive WSOP party and BBQ and five nights in a luxury hotel.

Unique to PKR is that they are conducting a poker league with 22 MTT events spanning eleven weeks. Twice a week (every Tuesday and Thursday) PKR will be running a $10 + $2 MTT tournament covering a variety of poker genres; No Limit Holdem, Omaha, Fixed Limit, 6-Max, Deep Stacked and Rebuys.

Each tournament has an allotted 45,000 League points appointed to every event with the top 100 place-getters earning points. At the end of the 22 league tournaments, if you sit on top of the leaderboard you automatically win a package, finish inside the top 10, 50 or 100 and you will get your shot at one of the five Road to Vegas freerolls where a further six packages are on offer.

The first League event is kicking off tomorrow Wednesday the 34th of March at 7:15 am with No Limit Holdem being the game, and of course, a coveted 45,000 points on offer as well as the huge expected prizepool.

Event #1 – Wednesday, 24 March – No Limit Holdem
Event #2 – Friday, 26 March – No Limit Holdem Deep Stack
Event #3 – Wednesday, 31 March – No Limit Holdem (6 seater)
Event #4 – Friday, 02 April – No Limit Holdem Deep & Stack
Event #5 – Wednesday, 07 April – Pot Limit Omaha
Event #6 – Friday, 09 April – No Limit Holdem
Event #7 – Wednesday, 14 April – Pot Limit Holdem
Event #8 – Friday, 16 April – No Limit Holdem Terminator
Event #9 – Wednesday, 21 April – No Limit Holdem Deep Stack (6 seater)
Event #10 – Friday, 23 April – Pot Limit Omaha hi/lo
Event #11 – Wednesday, 28 April – No Limit Holdem
Event #12 – Friday, 30 April – No Limit Holdem $2 Rebuy
Event #13 – Wednesday, 05 May – Fixed Limit Holdem
Event #14 – Friday, 07 May – No Limit Holdem
Event #15 – Wednesday, 12 May – No Limit Holdem (6 seater)
Event #16 – Friday, 14 May – No Limit Holdem Double Chance
Event #17 – Wednesday, 19 May – No Limit Holdem with antes
Event #18 – Friday, 21 May – Pot Limit Omaha (6 seater)
Event #19 – Wednesday, 26 May – No Limit Holdem Deep & Steep
Event #20 – Friday, 28 May – No Limit Holdem
Event #21 – Wednesday, 02 June – No Limit Holdem (6 seater)
Event #22 – Friday, 04 June – No Limit Holdem Deep Stack

So if you are desperate to book a seat on the PKR WSOP plane and are willing to put your tournament skills to the test, then I’ll be seeing you on the virtual felt!

Recently on PokerNetwork there was a competition launched where people had to blog an entry regarding their poker road from beginning to now.

Here is what I managed to whip up for the good folk of PokerNetwork.

My poker journey began back in the early stages of 2005.

It was my second year of a Bachelor of Commerce degree at Deakin University in Burwood. I had a wonderful girlfriend, an awesome apartment in Hawthorn and was busy coordinating the Deakin Basketball team while studying and partying hard.

One night I was nestled up on the couch studying and decided to put the books down and watch some TV. I flicked straight on to Channel Ten where they were broadcasting some show I had never seen before; the World Poker Tour. I sat there watching intensely trying to pick up what was going on. What was the small blind? The big blind? What was an ante? What is a full house?

Channel Ten then started showing the WPT after the Saturday night football game, and for the next few weeks I was on the couch watching and trying to learn the game called Texas Holdem Poker.

On a day off I hit Mind Games and bought a real basic Texas Holdem Poker set to use at home, and finally after basketball training one Thursday night I invited five of my mates round to play. We all chucked in $5 and played a mini-tournament that ran like any first-time amateur home game would – six players to the flop, small bets and absolutely no idea what we were doing. This however became a regular occurrence as we all were hooked!

Fast forward six months and me and two of the home game regulars decided to that a dull Tuesday night should equate to our first visit to the Crown Poker Room.

We stood in the Las Vegas Room with no idea what we were doing. A future good friend of mind – Frank Bianco – was manning a whiteboard writing and calling names while cracking jokes. We walked up and got a quick run through of what was going on as he pointed us in the direction of a $1-1 NLH game.

Both my mates went broke, but the two hands I played were very memorable. The first saw me holding A♠ 5♠ and I called a bet on the k♠ 4♠ 9♥ flop hoping to dink a spade. The turn landed a 2♥ and I called another bet, but when the river landed the 3♦ I quickly folded to another bet only to be shown the pocket Kings of an opponent. I shook my head and looked and my depleted stack before realising that I just folded a wheel without even realising it! My mates were eager to head back to Hawthorn, so looking down at Jack-Five – the only hand I knew the name of at the time thanks to Mike Sexton and Vince Van Paten – I moved all in and doubled against Ace-King as I quickly made my way out the door with some profit in the pocket.

Fast forward to the start of 2007 and I had just completed an internship at Coles Myer while completing one final unit over Summer before graduating. I picked up a job coaching cricket at Wesley College, and when I wasn’t there or studying, I could be found playing $1-2 NLH at Crown after playing solely weekends in the last few months of the previous year. Although my skills had improved I was still an amateur and was learning all the time and every profitable session was followed by a losing session, but my passion for the game never dwindled.

It was Wednesday the 11th of April and I was completely broke due mainly to poker but also my many expenses. Crown were running freerolls for the WSOP and I decided to get my poker fix by driving in and playing one to kill a few hours before Basketball. However the game would be missed as I finished equal first out of 253 runners with fellow PokerNetwork regular Michael ‘TheSharkBoy’ Palti to win a $550 satellite ticket. Come Sunday the 15th of April I took my seat in the tournament nervous as all hell at the prospect of playing a $550 buy-in tournament with 154 others. After several hours of play in my trusty Deakin Basketball jumper and Bart Simpson-esque lucky red hat I found myself on the final table and five-handed.

With four $17,000 WSOP packages up for grabs and just under $10,000 for fifth I asked the remaining players to do a deal that saw me get the $10,000 plus an additional $1,000 from the remaining players that included Alfred Grech, Aytunc Tezay and Con ‘Tsapy’ Tsapkounis. Aytunc declined and we played the remainder of the tournament out with Con unfortunately bubbling.

I was 21, a relative poker noob, and was on my way to Las Vegas to play in the 2007 WSOP Main Event!

Fast forward to Day 3 of the Main Event and here is an extract from my now obsolete MySpace blog from the time.
“As we’re down to 623 players remaining its folded round to me on the button where I look down at Qh Qs. Now my thoughts coming into the day was that I’m still going to play poker, my range was Jacks and better, but everything else was an instant fold. As I look down at my queens I know I have the best hand against two random blind hands. I really have 4 options here. I can fold, limp in, raise a small amount or push all-in.

Being the donkey I am I decide to push all-in, now as I do that the small blind leans back and goes, “ahhh, ok I call”, and with that comment I think we’re racing (which I’ll take), but right after that the big blind asks how much. With that statement from the young kid I turn to Tony Hachem and just grimace. He finally folds, and the dealer announces “all-in and call on 35” and about 3 camera’s rush over. I slow roll him hoping that he turns first, but I end up tabling my queens and he turns over black aces. I get up pack my stuff as they deal the flop. The flop comes 4, 7, 8 and with that, some of the players on my table calls out 5, 6 chop. The turn and river brick out and I bubble in 623rd spot.”

I attempted to enjoy the rest of my holiday, but effectively losing $23,000 really wasn’t making me feel too happy. With Jonno Pittock in charge of PokerNews at the time, I asked him about working for him back in Australia as a reporter for the upcoming Victorian Poker Champs, and he was more than happy to give me an opportunity.

Returning to Melbourne and working for PokerNews during the Vic Champs, I managed to win a Main Event satellite seat and parlay that into an 11th place finish for a $12,960 score followed by a $4,869 score the week later in the Saturday series.

From then on most of you know my story. Playing at Crown, losing at Crown, working for PokerNews, not working for PokerNews and contributing to PokerNetwork.

Although I could have gone on about my journey down the poker road, I thought that this long spill was . . . frankly . . . long enough already!

However, I have posted in the forum my recently found blogs from my 2007 WSOP campaign for all of you to read and see how a relative poker noob took to the bright lights of Las Vegas!

Hope you enjoyed this blog entry and the ones from a highly exciting 2007!

Now if you enjoyed the trip down memory lane, and feel that I am deserving, that head to PokerNetwork and vote for my blog to ensure that I am in the running for winning the competition.

Visit My Journey Down The Poker Road and click the + to vote.

I think nearly everyone in the world has seen Michael Jackson’s 14-minute music video for Thriller, but it has been years since we’ve seen anything as good . . . until now.

Lady Gaga has finally released her music video for Telephone and not only does it live up to the quality of the previous videos she has released, but it also is a mini-movie in itself.

It is a continuation of one of her previous songs – Paparazzi – and plays for just over nine-minutes. One thing to note is that Gaga does her best to displace the rumours that she is a man by showing as much of herself without the video being deemed a porno at about the 1:09 mark . . . you be the judge!

It had been a while since I ventured up to Melbourne, so it was good to journey up the highway to the city for some fun.

My friend Bec and I had discussed a night of ice skating a few weeks back, and with the day finally upon us, I was more than a little nervous. I arrived early planning to catch up with a mate, but when some things got in the way, we decided to postpone that and instead I ventured to the city to check out the water-damaged Crown Poker Room.

Things didn’t seem too bad in the room, and I decided to take a seat on a $2-3 NLH table to kill the time before I made my way to an icy death!

Coming in on the big blind as time was called I was dealt 7♣ 7♠ and after a few players had limped, a player with over $800 in the cutoff decided to make it $15 as he started putting his chips in a rack. Both the button and small blind called, as did I, before the limpers followed suit to see the pot sit at around $105. The flop fell down 7♦ K♥ 6♦ and I led out for $45 – actually thinking the pot was smaller – and everyone folded apart from the original raiser. The turn landed the Q♥ and I toyed with checking, but with over $200 in the pot, I thought there was a slight chance that I could get a call from hands that would check behind – such as flush draw or even Jacks or something – and consequently moved all in for my last $140. My opponent deliberated for about three minutes before stating he was folding a flush draw for me as I racked in the pot to move to just under $330.

Mis-reading the size of the pot on the flop I really would have liked to bet say $65 to take the pot to $235 and then my shove would be about half pot and most likely have been called – and with no diamond landing on the river – I would have more than doubled.

A few hands later I opened 5♣ 5♥ to $11 and found one caller before being raised by the small blind to $22. We both called and I folded the flop as one player flopped trips and the other turned the nut flush.

Vincent ‘Wonky’ Wan walked in the room and I decided to sweat him for a while and discuss a few hands that we had been chatting about online that we had witnessed from a DeucesCracked training video. I must have brought him a little bit of luck as he chipped up nicely before it was time to hit the ice!

I picked up my mate Alex from the CBD and we made our way to IceHouse to meet up with Bec and her mates.

We grabbed our skates and made the nervous stumble to the ice rink as kids and adults whizzed round in a circle. Nervous as all hell, me and Alex slowly stepped on the ice holding the rail tightly as we attempted to make our way round the ring.

Although I use to roller-blade quite frequently when I was younger and have been skiing all my life, I was still just a little worried of face planting on the cold and hard surface.

Eventually though it all came back to me and it felt completely natural as I whizzed around the rink like a semi-pro zigzagging in-and-out of people as the DJ blasted 80’s hits through the sound system.

Alex on the other hand was S-T-RUGGLING! He could barely do a lap without clutching to a nearby rail and randomly he would fall over forcing both a simultaneous “you allright dude?” and “bwahahahaha” from me.

Unfortunately for Alex, one of his falls saw him land a little harder than the others and he bruised up his knee pretty bad and decided to take a break. I continued to skate round the rink flirting with landing on my ass as I tried to go as fast as I could before slowing down to take corners that were tougher than I expected.

With everyone about to call it a night after several hours on the ring I made my way back onto the ice after taking a quick break. I stood on the ice, took two steps forward and fell flat on my face . . . I honestly didn’t know you could feel that embarrassed!

I picked my sorry ass up and did a few more laps, before exiting IceHouse with everyone before me and Alex decided to stop off at Chappelli’s for a very-late midnight dinner.

Good food, interesting discussions revolving mostly around poker and a long ride back to Geelong to be in bed by 4am.

Due to my interest in poker over the last few years, it was always inevitable that my Dad would develop an interest too.

Recently he made a small deposit on PokerStars but hasn’t been able to get any rhythm and settle in a limit where he can develop his skills and make some money. He understands the basics of the game, but of course, is still a basic amateur.

Over the last few weeks he hasn’t been able to play too much, and I think this was mainly due to time, but also the fact that his relatively small starting bankroll is a little depleted.

I logged on under Duckers51 to see how much he had left, and after seeing a shocking three bucks and change, I decided to try and run it up for him. Since that day I’ve played a few $1.15 Double-or-Nothing sit-n-goes while sometimes short-stacking some $0.01-0.02c NLH to see the account reach a high of nearly triple what I started with.

Now don’t worry, I’m not going to share hand histories from $0.01-0.02c NLH or bad beat stories, but instead share a chat-off I had with a player by the name of kyle939.

Basically it all started after I was dealt A♣ K♦ and check-raised all-in on a A♥ 4♣ 4♦ flop, and kyle939 made the call with J♦ 5♦ and made a backdoor flush to force me to rebuy.

Duckers51: tell me, what were you thinking when you called with Jack-high?
Duckers51: did you think you were ahead when I check-raised you all in?
Duckers51: or . . . was it that you’re a complete donkey with a faggot haricut that feels like being a donkey?
kyle939: you are a dick
kyle939: i’ve only been playing 1 month
Duckers51: yeah obviously
Duckers51: and you’ll be broke in another month
kyle939: hey duck you are a dick
Duckers51: i don’t mind that you think that, but you still didnt answer my questions
kyle939: hey mallard do you know anything
kyle939: the duckman blows
Duckers51: i know more than you
kyle939: why do you suck
Duckers51: how do I suck? You hit a runner-runner flush like a fish
kyle939: way to go fuck

I then managed to double when my Q♠ J♣ held up against kyle939’s A♥ J♥ when I moved all-in on a Q♦ 8♠ 8♥ flop.

Duckers51: well played fish
Duckers51: the money you just gave me could have been used to get yourself a haircut
kyle939: stop crying
kyle939: maybe in Mexico
Duckers51: maybe from a hobo that lives on your street
kyle939: can’t get a haircut in the real world for less than $15
kyle939: DORK
Duckers51: how would you know? doesn’t seem like uv ever had one!
kyle939: ya play i will take your money dick
Duckers51: well lets play higher stakes
Duckers51: how much money you got?
kyle939: I’m up all night duck fuck
Duckers51: does that random statement have a point?
kyle939: hey duck in the mouth lets play
Duckers51: how much money you got on this site?
Duckers51: I got 4k, so you wanna play $5-10 NLH?
Duckers51: i’ll start a table, come find me
kyle939: your cool
Duckers51: thanks
Duckers51: so is that a yes
Duckers51: or are you wussing out?
kyle939: what did you do blow someone for that
Duckers51: no . . . only your mum did that so she could send you to school
kyle939: not stupid pervert
Duckers51: i made it playing poker you retard
kyle939: thats cool
kyle939: loser
Duckers51: how am i the loser if you won’t even put ur money where your mouth is?
kyle939: im getting money from you and you arent touching me
kyle939: PERVERT
Duckers51: ummm, so you playing me heads up or not?
Duckers51: simple question
Duckers51: if not
Duckers51: i think you can shut the fuck up
kyle939: im not going anywhere with you
kyle939: PERVERT
kyle939: fuckster
kyle939: actually you suck duck person
kyle939: coulda been yours duck guy
kyle939: really duck guy
kyle939: you blow

kyle939 then doubled an opponent up with King-Queen versus King-Jack on a Jack-high board.

Duckers51: hahaha . . . ur an ATM kyle!
kyle939: really duck watch
kyle939: now i am crying duck fucker
kyle939: dont duck around
Duckers51: AAAATTTTTTTMMMMMMMMM
kyle939: just watch

Then this beautiful hand happened. From out of the small blind I opened with J♥ J♦ over kyle939’s limp. The flop fell J♠ 7♠ 7♣ and I check-raised kyle939’s bet before checking the 8♥ on the turn. kyle939 moved all-in, I double-fist-pump-snap called and his 3♠ 3♣ was left drawing dead.

Duckers51: BOOM mutha fucka!
kyle939: fuck off duck
Duckers51: you realise you had a pretty bad hand there kyle
Duckers51: threes are no good on that board you fish
kyle939: hey duck fucker blow a fish
kyle939: you will see i will get that little bit of $ back
Duckers51: then you can use it to get a haircut
kyle939: hey duck how do you know I need a hair cut
kyle939: are you watching me
Duckers51: yes kyle I am watching you play like a donkey and donate all your money to everyone
kyle939: lol
kyle939: and
Duckers51: and . . .you need a haircut to fix that ugly mug of yours!
kyle939: i will get it back freak
Duckers51: im the feak . . .? . . . have you looked int he mirror recently?
kyle939: lmao
kyle939: i got lots of time duck fucker
kyle939: and how do you fuck a duck
Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying it, so i think u’d have a better understanding of bestiality
kyle939: chillout cause i will get your $
Duckers51: im going to take the money I won off you and rub it on your moms titties!
kyle939: no! That is fucking a cow not a bird
Duckers51: huh
kyle939: needledick
kyle939: your gross and someone should report you
Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying FUCK every second word
Duckers51: dont worry
Duckers51: im going to bid you adieu
Duckers51: everyone . . . please take kyle the ATM to the cleaners
Duckers51: and then rub his money on his moms titties later tonight!

Now I bet you’re all thinking that you shouldn’t berate players that are playing $0.01-0.02c NLH because they’re obviously still learning, but I just couldn’t help myself.

I obviously was trying to level him with the $4k heads-up match, but it was just so enjoyable pissing him off. Didn’t he realise that if I actually did have $4k in my account, I would probably not be playing the smallest game available?

Well I got a good laugh out of it today, and hopefully you did too.

I just hope that Dad doesn’t mind if his chat gets banned!