Recently he made a small deposit on PokerStars but hasn’t been able to get any rhythm and settle in a limit where he can develop his skills and make some money. He understands the basics of the game, but of course, is still a basic amateur.

Over the last few weeks he hasn’t been able to play too much, and I think this was mainly due to time, but also the fact that his relatively small starting bankroll is a little depleted.

I logged on under Duckers51 to see how much he had left, and after seeing a shocking three bucks and change, I decided to try and run it up for him. Since that day I’ve played a few $1.15 Double-or-Nothing sit-n-goes while sometimes short-stacking some $0.01-0.02c NLH to see the account reach a high of nearly triple what I started with.

Now don’t worry, I’m not going to share hand histories from $0.01-0.02c NLH or bad beat stories, but instead share a chat-off I had with a player by the name of kyle939.

Basically it all started after I was dealt A♣ K♦ and check-raised all-in on a A♥ 4♣ 4♦ flop, and kyle939 made the call with J♦ 5♦ and made a backdoor flush to force me to rebuy.

Duckers51: tell me, what were you thinking when you called with Jack-high?
Duckers51: did you think you were ahead when I check-raised you all in?
Duckers51: or . . . was it that you’re a complete donkey with a faggot haricut that feels like being a donkey?
kyle939: you are a dick
kyle939: i’ve only been playing 1 month
Duckers51: yeah obviously
Duckers51: and you’ll be broke in another month
kyle939: hey duck you are a dick
Duckers51: i don’t mind that you think that, but you still didnt answer my questions
kyle939: hey mallard do you know anything
kyle939: the duckman blows
Duckers51: i know more than you
kyle939: why do you suck
Duckers51: how do I suck? You hit a runner-runner flush like a fish
kyle939: way to go fuck

I then managed to double when my Q♠ J♣ held up against kyle939’s A♥ J♥ when I moved all-in on a Q♦ 8♠ 8♥ flop.

Duckers51: well played fish
Duckers51: the money you just gave me could have been used to get yourself a haircut
kyle939: stop crying
kyle939: maybe in Mexico
Duckers51: maybe from a hobo that lives on your street
kyle939: can’t get a haircut in the real world for less than $15
kyle939: DORK
Duckers51: how would you know? doesn’t seem like uv ever had one!
kyle939: ya play i will take your money dick
Duckers51: well lets play higher stakes
Duckers51: how much money you got?
kyle939: I’m up all night duck fuck
Duckers51: does that random statement have a point?
kyle939: hey duck in the mouth lets play
Duckers51: how much money you got on this site?
Duckers51: I got 4k, so you wanna play $5-10 NLH?
Duckers51: i’ll start a table, come find me
kyle939: your cool
Duckers51: thanks
Duckers51: so is that a yes
Duckers51: or are you wussing out?
kyle939: what did you do blow someone for that
Duckers51: no . . . only your mum did that so she could send you to school
kyle939: not stupid pervert
Duckers51: i made it playing poker you retard
kyle939: thats cool
kyle939: loser
Duckers51: how am i the loser if you won’t even put ur money where your mouth is?
kyle939: im getting money from you and you arent touching me
kyle939: PERVERT
Duckers51: ummm, so you playing me heads up or not?
Duckers51: simple question
Duckers51: if not
Duckers51: i think you can shut the fuck up
kyle939: im not going anywhere with you
kyle939: PERVERT
kyle939: fuckster
kyle939: actually you suck duck person
kyle939: coulda been yours duck guy
kyle939: really duck guy
kyle939: you blow

kyle939 then doubled an opponent up with King-Queen versus King-Jack on a Jack-high board.

Duckers51: hahaha . . . ur an ATM kyle!
kyle939: really duck watch
kyle939: now i am crying duck fucker
kyle939: dont duck around
Duckers51: AAAATTTTTTTMMMMMMMMM
kyle939: just watch

Then this beautiful hand happened. From out of the small blind I opened with J♥ J♦ over kyle939’s limp. The flop fell J♠ 7♠ 7♣ and I check-raised kyle939’s bet before checking the 8♥ on the turn. kyle939 moved all-in, I double-fist-pump-snap called and his 3♠ 3♣ was left drawing dead.

Duckers51: BOOM mutha fucka!
kyle939: fuck off duck
Duckers51: you realise you had a pretty bad hand there kyle
Duckers51: threes are no good on that board you fish
kyle939: hey duck fucker blow a fish
kyle939: you will see i will get that little bit of $ back
Duckers51: then you can use it to get a haircut
kyle939: hey duck how do you know I need a hair cut
kyle939: are you watching me
Duckers51: yes kyle I am watching you play like a donkey and donate all your money to everyone
kyle939: lol
kyle939: and
Duckers51: and . . .you need a haircut to fix that ugly mug of yours!
kyle939: i will get it back freak
Duckers51: im the feak . . .? . . . have you looked int he mirror recently?
kyle939: lmao
kyle939: i got lots of time duck fucker
kyle939: and how do you fuck a duck
Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying it, so i think u’d have a better understanding of bestiality
kyle939: chillout cause i will get your $
Duckers51: im going to take the money I won off you and rub it on your moms titties!
kyle939: no! That is fucking a cow not a bird
Duckers51: huh
kyle939: needledick
kyle939: your gross and someone should report you
Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying FUCK every second word
Duckers51: dont worry
Duckers51: im going to bid you adieu
Duckers51: everyone . . . please take kyle the ATM to the cleaners
Duckers51: and then rub his money on his moms titties later tonight!

Now I bet you’re all thinking that you shouldn’t berate players that are playing $0.01-0.02c NLH because they’re obviously still learning, but I just couldn’t help myself.

I obviously was trying to level him with the $4k heads-up match, but it was just so enjoyable pissing him off. Didn’t he realise that if I actually did have $4k in my account, I would probably not be playing the smallest game available?

Well I got a good laugh out of it today, and hopefully you did too.

I just hope that Dad doesn’t mind if his chat gets banned!

Last week was a terrible week for me on PKR as I spiralled downward hard and fast. Now I understand that downswings go hand in hand with upswings but last thing I couldn’t catch a break as everything and anything went wrong.

I admit that I did play bad at some points, but only quite minimally compared to the run-bad that I encountered. Maybe some people can identify with this, but after running my initial $500 up to $1,380-odd I decided to trial a tracking program called PokerOfficer. My accounted plummeted to $980 before I stopped using PokerOfficer and saw my account climb to over $1,400. I then – through the advice of some friends – downloaded Holdem Manager, and like in the previous instant, my account again spiralled downhill to below $1,000.

That downswing included one session where I lost nearly six buy-ins with my EV stating I should have only lost one buy-in. The other negative sessions also saw me run well below EV . . . but that’s poker right? I have been keeping track of the major hands that I’ve lost when I’ve been all in. Aces cracked 8 times, Kings 14, Queens 3, Jacks 5 and Sets 2 with most of these being on the flop. On the flipside, I’ve cracked Aces three times with standard coolers getting there with Kings and Tens, and only cracked Kings and Queens a combined three times.

Now that I’ve had close to a week away from the virtual felt, I have a few questions to pose to you before I return to PKR. What is my next step?

Should I continue playing $0.10-0.25c NLH?
Should I play a mix of $0.10-0.25c and $0.25-0.50c NLH?
Should I play only $0.25-0.50c NLH?
Should I continue to play solely full-ring?
Should I switch to solely six-handed?

Now I completely understand that my sample size of 15,000-odd hands isn’t much to go from, but I am just starting with online cash, so I definitely want to take steps in the right direction.

Your help is needed as I don’t want to see this ugly mountain continue to slide downhill!

Yes today is my birthday, but I don’t really feel the need to celebrate as I’m soooooooo old!

Instead I’ve decide to let everyone that frequents this site an opportunity to peek into the early photo albums of the Duckworth household and most likely have a laugh at the young me.

Enjoy, and thanks to everyone for the well wishes!

Just like the case twenty-five years ago when USA for Africa released ‘We are the World’ to support African famine relief, another super-group of musician’s have teamed up together to lend their voices to the Haiti earthquake appeal by releasing the charity single ‘We are the World 25 For Haiti’.

Composed by Quincy Jones and Lionel Ritchie, the song features solo’s by artist’s such as Jennifer Hudson, Josh Groban, Tony Bennett, Mary J. Blige, Miley Cyrus, Wyclef Jean, P!nk, Usher, Celine Dion, Lil Wayne, T-Pain and many more, along with a rap by LL Cool J, Will.I.Am, Snoop Dogg, Busta Rhymes and Kanye West.

There have been mixed reviews about the song, but the only way to voice your opinion is by checking it out.

Now most people believe that when you say Kong Hei Fat Choi (or the various derivations of the term) that they are wishing the receiver a ‘Happy New Year’, but in fact they are saying ‘Congratulations and be Prosperous’.

2010 is the Year of the Tiger – and since I am one – I feel that I should take a closer look to what it might entail for not only me, but everyone.

According to Chinese astrology, this year is one of the Metal Tiger, and people who like to talk about wealth will say that 2010 is a Golden Tiger year. However, when you look at the five elements, the colour representing metal is white therefore meaning that 2010 can also be regarded as Year of the White Tiger which can be considered to be bad as the White Tiger is connected to the symbol of jinx in Chinese history.

All very confusing.

Looking at your Chinese horoscope can definitely confuse you as there a countless explanations of how your year may pan out – but in comparison to the twelve Zodiac signs – it is something I tend to look into a little deeper.

Anyway, here are just two horoscopes for the Tiger for 2010.

The Tiger
Magnetic, passionate and grand! When the Tiger does anything, it’s noticed! Indecisiveness and stubbornness can mar the sparkle of the Tiger personality. On the one hand generous, on the other hand a little mean, it’s sometimes hard to know where one stands with the Tiger. Flexible, honest and truly entertaining, one has a friend for life with a Tiger.

The Fire Tiger (1926 and 1986)
Eccentric and dramatic, Fire Tigers are aglow with passion and verve. They are outgoing, expressive and look on the bright side of things. They have the Tiger’s natural ability to lead others and are able to excite others simply with their own gift of enthusiasm. They can be funny and have great senses of humour. Tigers are powerful speakers and have the ability to command and persuade crowds through speech. Their own seemingly endless supply of energy can make them appear a bit dramatic, and it may make them more sensitive to cautious or down-to-earth approaches in others.

The short story is that I played real terrible at the start to be in for three buy-ins on a $2-3 NLH table before kicking myself in the ass to play better and grind back to near even . . . only to donk it all off at about hour twelve of my session.

Following my live donk off and my downswing online, there was only one thing left to do.

. . . I grabbed the noose, hung it over the . . .

No. Just kidding.

Instead I made a few adjustments to my strategy and jumped back on the horse to continue to grind the $0.10-0.25c NLH tables.

So far things have been solid with the adjustments I’ve made helping me tighten up my leaks. Although the profit hasn’t fallen in droves as yet, I’m hoping that their just around the corner.

I do have a question for the Tilted Behaviour readers out there.

Is it possible to be playing $5-10 NLH on PKR by the time the WSOP rolls around?

I say it is possible if I continue to put in some high volume and run a little better than I have over the past couple of weeks. I do think it is unlikely though as most of the higher games are played only six-handed, and currently I tend to stay away from short-handed play because my strategy is a little too weak (I believe).

But for arguments sakes, here are the increases in limits on PKR; $0.25-0.50 ($10-$50 min and max buy-ins), $0.50-1 ($20-$100), $1-2 ($40-$200), $2-4 ($80-$400), $3-6 ($120-$600) and $5-10 ($200-$1000).

I deposited $500 just before the end of last year and began playing $0.10-0.25c No Limit Holdem with an emphasis on full ring play ahead of six-handed. Although I have been running below EV, I have managed to run my account up to $1,380 playing solely NLH with maybe 300 hands of PLO and one tournament (which I cashed in).

With a move up limits to $0.25-0.50c just round the corner when I tip the $1,500 mark, I took a big step back over the past few days following some major run bad.

It started when I was playing in a Pot Limit Omaha Hi-Lo game where everyone just had no clue of how to play. Of course that didn’t matter because after 400-odd hands I had seen barely ten hands that had any chance of taking a low, while the rest were terrible high hands. The few times I got it in good I would somehow rivered for half the pot with someone holding a mighty A-J-9-6 for a low, or my complete wrap and flush draw would take the low as someone’s pocket tens took the high.

Basically it was an absolute terrible session where I lost three buy-ins before deciding that straight up Pot Limit Omaha would be the best option. That was a mistake too, as I lost a buy-in fairly quickly and decided to resort back to plain old boring $0.10-0.25c No Limit Holdem.

With four NLH tables up, I lost a buy-in fairly quickly and now definitely believed that it was going to be a shocking day. However things started to turn round when my 6♥ 6♣ were paid off by 10♦ 10♠ on the river on a board of 4♣ 5♣ 6♦ 6♠ 4♦, then my A♦ Q♦ for top-top was paid off on the turn by 10♥ 10♣. Combined with three straights for smallish pots and I managed to scrape some poker dignity and bankroll back.

Unfortunately just a day later it would all turn to shit once again seeing my bankroll fall to just below the $1,000 mark after some more run bad and bad play.

Unlike the previous negative session, I began this one with $0.10-0.25c No Limit Holdem but over the course of 300 hands I dropped four buy-ins.

The first was pretty amusing (not) as the biggest pot I won was just $3.38 while I lost plenty including running into two sets of overpairs, a flopped flush, a bigger full house and many more I really don’t fell like re-living!

I then decided to gamble a little and took a seat in a $0.50-1 Pot Limit Omaha game and after running into a bigger full house and being forced to top up I lost my whole stack when I was rivered holding K♠ J♣ 9♣ 9♠ by Q♦ 10♦ 10♠ 4♦ on a board that ran out A♦ Q♠ 10♣ 4♦ 7♦.

I can’t really explain why I’m in such a huge downswing.

Maybe it’s just countering against my upswing or maybe because I recently downloaded some tracking software – PokerOfficer – and started testing out HUD as well as being able to review my session history.

I do know however that there is only one thing I can do . . . and that’s just getting back to the basics of playing solid poker and grinding out hundreds of hands for profit so that I can replenish my bankroll and hopefully take the next step few steps in improving my game and moving up limits.

Driving up on Friday afternoon, I headed to the airport to pick up my cousin and his girlfriend from the airport. It was part thank-you for letting me stay at their house, part another reason to play at Crown, and part I didn’t want them to shell out the money to grab a cab.

After unloading the car once back at theirs, I made my way to Crown and found a seat on a $2-3 NLH table.

I had chipped up to around $250 on a table that featured a bunch of weak passive players who really struggled post-flop when this hand came up. Everyone limped in, and I did so on the button with J♦ 9♣ to see a flop of Q♦ 5♣ 9♦ fall and a bet of $10 follow from one of the limpers. This player had turned over a few ‘unique’ hands where he had barrelled bottom-pair etc, so his bet didn’t seem overly strong to me. A first time player made the call, before I bumped it to $37. The flop aggressor called as did the noob before I dinged the 9♠ on the turn.

Very comfortable with where I now sat in the hand, it shocked me to see the aggressor fire out (after just calling on the flop) $25. The noob called and I thought for a little before making it $68 to go and was instantly snapped off before the noob passed.

The river landed the 6♥ and I was met with an instant announcement of a bet of $100 as my now lone opponent in the hand fumbled while cutting down the amount to call.

I sat in the tank for around three minutes trying to decipher the whole hand. I couldn’t factor him to have a better nine, but more likely held a busted draw or even just a Queen. Eventually I called and internally puked when he rolled over his 8♠ 7♥ for a rivered gutshot to leave me with just $40 and send me to my wallet to top up.

Reviewing the hand, I think I bet the turn way too small, but either way I managed to add a further $200 to my stack the next hand when my two-pair held up against two players top pair.

Eventually though I got my now favourite opponent back when I opened from late position holding A♣ 10♥ and was flatted by the button and my nemesis from the big blind. The flop fell down K♠ Q♥ J♠ and I was faced with a donked out $20 bet in which I just called as the button folded. The turn landed the 6♣ and he fired out $30 in which I just called. The river landed the ugly 9♣ and my nemesis fired out $25. I exchanged some friendly banter before splashing the pot with a bet of $140.

He immediately called, rolled over Q♦ J♥, and I scooped the pot to put my stack upwards of $650.

I decided to call the session to an end when I double a short-stack up with a weaker top-pair to eventually cash out up just under $200 for the session before Mat made his way to Crown and we decided to see the new movie Daybreakers . . . if you like Vampires or need an occasional startle in a dark room then go see it.

I headed into Crown at the early time of 10am to test my luck in the Saturday morning $25 rebuy donkament.

I tried to enjoy the rebuy period and was all in at least ten times with five of them being without looking at my cards. After the rebuy period was over, I had spent $100 and had just over a 3,000-chip stack courtesy of a late triple up holding 10♠ 10♣.

Once we returned after the break, the levels picked up and facing a short-stack’s all in, I pushed with 5♦ 5♥ and was called by the big stack’s K♥ Q♥. The short-stack held tens, and once a Queen flopped, it was over as I was bundled out in 45th of the 72 starters.

Heading to a $2-3 NLH table I played for nearly five hours getting up $50, then losing $100, getting up $50, then losing $100. Eventually I decided that it wasn’t going to be a good day and walked out (thankfully) up $50 and made my way back home.